I’ve been anxious my whole life. Apparently, it is not just an idiosyncrasy of the Jewish people as Sheldon Cooper once said. At age 20, while in college I had my first of panic attack and was diagnosed with panic/anxiety disorder. The funny thing about a panic attack is, you get to have a near death experience, without actually ever being in danger. I’d argue it is actually scarier then a near death experience. Since that point I’ve spent a fair deal of time worrying about death, scratch that, I’ve been obsessed with death, dying and of course having another panic attack.
My journey the past 16 years with OCD & anxiety has not been all bad. In fact, without it I’d not be who I am today. It does not define who I am, but has very much shaped my life. As much as I hate to quote someone from the Khardashians, Bruce Jenner made a great point in his interview with Diane Sawyer. “This is my cause in life. This is why God put me on this earth — to deal with this issue.”
Turns out when you have ocd, your mind does not shut off, once it attaches to something of consequence. For me that was death and finding out how I can live a life that has meaning for me. Many people ride what I call the hamster wheel of life. Get up, go to work, have kids, retire, move to Florida and die. That may work for some, but for me I’ve always had this feeling, deep in my gut, that life has meaning. We are not here to simply go through the motions. Life should excite you, your work should not be work, but something you totally are immersed in because you love it and every possible minute should be spent with those you love and love you.
We all have our shit, we all have challenges, struggles and pain. I got news for you, we ain’t getting out of this life alive. I feel strongly our purpose here, on Earth, is to grow and evolve by transforming ourselves through the shit thrown our way. God gives us challenges, not because he or she is an angry, but wants us to grow, to become the best versions of ourselves. There is no better teacher in life then struggle. God gives us the tools and through Jesus gives us, what some might say and I agree is a pretty dam good playbook as to how to live our lives.
I’m 36, married with a 3 year old son. I own my own business, which at this point is either poised to take off or plunge like the Titanic. So yeah I’m a little anxious. I feel like my ass has been hit by the anxiety/ocd two by four. Which in case you were wondering is a real thing, I swear it is, you can buy one on amazon! By the way, it fucking sucks!