feel the need to amend my post from the other day, #13 – My Hierarchy of Needs.
Most of what I said would lead one to believe I’m anti-hobby, although I’m not. Talking about hobbies as it turns out was a way for me to dig under the surface and start to discern more clearly what lights me up.
I think hobbies are great. We should all have them. I was merely trying to communicate I want more out of life, what that more was, took me the rest of the post to uncover.
Quick side step here, let’s agree this point forward to use the term interests instead of hobbies. When I hear the word hobbies I think of knitting or gardening. Hobbies feel like something little old ladies do.
I don’t want to be confused with a little old lady.
That post did two things for me.
- I realized my attachment to the outcome of a particular hobby kept me from enjoying it.
- It gave me greater insight as to what success looks like for me.
My interests are part of what make me, me. I love music, running, running to music, cooking, baking, reading, playing golf and writing. What I did not love was the pressure I placed on myself to excel at each of them, especially golf and running.
Golf and running are competitive. There is a definitive winner and a definitive looser.
Your results can be objectively measured and determined as good or bad. Shooting a 75 is better than shooting an 82. Doing a 10k in 35 minutes is better than doing it in 40.
Much like in life I was attached to the results. Doing it for the fun of it was not even part of the equation.
I’d train harder, spend more hours at the range, and take lessons, pushing myself because I wanted to get better. The funny things getting better at these things really had a pretty limited upside but a substantial downside.
Isn’t the point of a hobby to make life more enjoyable not less?
What the fuck did I think I was training for the summer Olympics or the Masters?
What do I really gain in going from a 20 handicap to 10? Golf is still a miserable fucking sport that kicks you in the ass every single time you play. It is brutal, no matter how good you are, yet you keep coming back for more. Golf is a cruel mistress.
Your enjoyment of golf, unless you are a tour pro has very little to do with your actual score. I can remember almost any detail of my most memorable rounds of golf, except my score.
What have I learned? When I feel like playing golf, I play and if I don’t, I don’t. It is that simple. No more feeling like I “should” play. No more feeling guilty for not wanting to get better at golf. There are things in life worth working hard to get better at; golf is not one of them.
The second thing that post became about for me, although I did not realize it when I started is how important it is for me to be creative and to share what I create.
It became clearer for me as I started to write about Seinfeld. The path I was on become slightly more visible as the fog lifted.
I wanted to be able to create, from scratch things of value that have meaning to me and share them with others. The types of projects I work on need to be varied, different and numerous.
I’m sure there are plenty of other examples I could use besides Seinfeld. I could list Oprah, former Presidents, Elon Musk and Mick Jagger. What I envy and want for myself, is the ability to be immersed in work that l allows me to create, using many different mediums in many different ways and that creates a connection between me and other people.
Let’s hope a mostly positive connection.
When I look at the writing I’m doing now, along with the improve class I just finished I could see myself pursuing some sort of work in the entertainment field. A successful blog could lead to a book, which could lead to a pilot for a show or a series of videos I produce for Netflix or YouTube.
Who knows? I don’t know, you don’t know, fuck, even Oprah doesn’t know and Oprah knows all.
The point is I’m getting a clearer idea of what I want. Is it scary? Yep? Do I have any idea how I’m going to get there? Nope, but I’m not worrying about that right now.
This reminds me of the quote from on the first page of this morning’s Artist Way Journal, “The universe falls in with worthy plans and most especially with festive and expansive ones.” Then on the next page it says, “Leap and the net will appear.”
This may sound like crunchy granola, Birkenstock wearing hippie b.s., but I buy. I think when people say things like, “Leap and the net will appear” it can inspire reckless action, but that may not be the point. The net might not always appear as a net and in some circumstances the net not appearing is the actual net. You feel me?
Meaning, maybe you need to fail, so you can learn how to get back up.
Better you learn what it is like to fall without a net when you are only 3 feet off the ground than 50.
I’m not saying I want to give up on my business and be the next YouTube sensation, but I am holding open to the space that the work I do each day my lead me in a different an unexpected direction.
Choosing, doing, being, living, accepting, releasing, is all part of the processes.
So for now I believe in the processes, I believe in not having to know all the answers or how the future will unfold.
My commitment is to be not committed. Not committed to the outcome, but committed to the processes. Committed to looking at every synchronicity, every door the universe opens as an opportunity that needs to be explored.
Let’ see what door opens next.