#13 – Dear Santa

As I mentioned before I’ve started the Artist Way by Julie Cameron. The most important part of the program is the morning pages exercise. You basically just sit down and write out 3 pages of whatever comes into your mind, just a stream of consciousness, completely unedited.I think of it as my daily letter to Santa Claus, asking for what I want but also letting him know what is on my mind.

You are not suppose to share it with anyone, but I’ve decided to post this mornings pages on my blog. Here we go. Remember no judgement. I’m literally typing exactly what I wrote this morning so there will be more than the usual amount of grammar issues.

Do I want to write or entertain for a living? How I would I do that now? People start off working in show biz at a very young age and work their way up. I’m 37, married with a kid and live in Philadelphia how could I choose to become a comedian or writer at this point in my life? Could I write for SNL? That ship has sailed, has it not? I’m not sure if I’m asking or telling.

Is that focus or thinking just another way of blocking me from building a successful business, because let’s just take a look at what it is what. I’ve spent the past 7 years building and working on this business. I have built up a ton of experience and knowledge in the specialty food business as an entrepreneur that I can leverage to make this new business work.

If I choose to start doing the comedy, writing, blogging, whatever as a career path, I’m sure there are experiences I can leverage, but I would most definitely be starting at the 1 yard line as I approach the 50 yard line of life. I think this is the purpose of the morning pages, it is time for me to work all of this shit out of my head and onto paper so I can take a real hard look at the thoughts that go through my head.

I do not even know how genuinely my interest is in writing or performing. On paper it seems to be a pretty good match between my skills, interests, values, etc, but just taking one improv class or writing for a few months on a blog is way to early to decide if this is what I might truly want to do.It has not stood the test of time. Let me give it until the end of the year and see how I feel.

I will continue to work on it so I make progress, but I’m stating right here right now I’m choosing to have BT be my main focus. I will still work to build up my skills as a writer, blogger, comedian, so that if that shows itself as my path I will at least be starting in positive territory.

The fact remains I’ve not quit BT, I’ve kept going but how do I know the only reason I’ve not quit is because not quitting is actually easier than quitting. Maybe I’ve not quit because to face the cold hard fact I’ve failed is to daunting.

Maybe I’m not quitting because I’ve spent so much time and money on the business that it is forcing me to stay with it, when I should just view the past as a sunk cost. Looking right now at where I stand if the past of BT had been wiped clean would I still do it. My answer would be yes.

I bought this stock a few years ago. Since then it has lost about 75% of it’s value and I’ve still not sold it. I keep hoping or rather praying it goes back up so I can get my money back, but would I not be better off taking the money I would get from selling it and put it to work somewhere else for me. Would that not be the best way to recoup my losses vs. hoping this poorly performing stock goes back up?

My financial advisor asked me if I had the opportunity to buy that stock today would I.Probably not, but maybe. It’s value is so low now, maybe I would. But if I look at it’s value 2 years ago when I made the decision to buy it and I have no idea as to how the stock will perform. If I take the time to review basic principles of investing and my values as an investor, what is right for me, no I would not choose to buy the stock.




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