Have I been wasting time searching for something that does not exist or worse has been right under my nose? My quest to locate my passion, my purpose, my calling, whatever you want to call it, I’ve managed to find a lot of unhappiness. Every minute that past without finding my, quote, unquote, calling or true purpose, I’ve labeled rightly or wrongly as time wasted.
I’m being somewhat over dramatic to make a point. There have been plenty of moments in each day I’ve been happy, but at the end of the day when I get ready for bed I ask myself the question, “Did I find my passion today.” So far the answer has been no, which means the day was failure and of course that makes me feel shitty.
Then the following day I start looking all over again, with angst, despair and regret that often accompanies such a journey. All the while there is a giant clock over my head ticking, reminding me I’m running out of time.
Tonight while I was watching my son scrub the dishes I realized something, besides the fact he is the cutest fucking dish washer ever(see video), is that maybe all this angst over not finding my passion has led me to completely overlook the day to day joys that are part of my life.
Maybe I will find my purpose maybe I won’t, but if I keep letting it run my life it is almost a certainty I’ll never find happiness. Isn’t that more important than finding one’s purpose? Maybe my purpose is to be happy and all I’m doing is throwing up road blocks day after day. I’m starring happiness in the face and instead of embracing it and really appreciating it; I merely give it a cursory glance before I resume my Zero Dark Thirty, Navy Seal style search for my purpose here on earth.
It is like that analogy of the man, God and the flood. When God sent the man, a life vest, row boat, and helicopter but the man failed to see that God was trying to rescue him and he drowned.
Maybe what I’m doing right now is my purpose. It may sound silly but maybe looking for my purpose is my purpose? What I mean is, I am extremely lucky to be in the situation I am. I bet you did not see that one coming. That is right, I said I’m lucky, but just did not realize it.
I see too many people that are stuck in jobs they hate and have given up on doing anything about it. To them their situation is hopeless. As Stanley Hudson said on The Office, “What we have here is a run the clock out situation.” Meaning all he is doing is waiting until the clock strikes 5 so he can high tail it home, until the next day when he wakes up and does it all over again.
Right now I have a great opportunity to grow as a person, to really do some soul searching. I may not find my purpose, but every day I get to wake up and take one step forward on my path. I get to write on my blog, take an improve class, listen to a podcast, journal, mediate, read, work on my business, look for a job, maybe start a new business, etc. I get to do all this. I’m not in a run the clock out situation.
I get to do all this because I have the most loving and supportive family ever and I can’t forget that.
So what does all this mean for now?
There is still hope. I get to continue my journey.
My day’s are filled with moments of happiness that I will no longer over look and take for granted. I get to pick my son up early from school. I can go on a long run whenever I feel the need for a mental break. I get to help out a family member by doing some painting. I get to call and talk with my parents without worrying about my co-workers in the cubicle next to me. I get to shop for groceries and make healthy dinners for my family. I get to volunteer helping inner city school kids learn the joys of cooking.
Until now I viewed many parts of my day as collateral damage in my search for meaning. So much joy and happiness lost. That ends today. If my purpose is to find happiness then maybe I’ve found it. There are many, many reasons for me to be happy each and every day. I just did not take the time to notice. I had a single focus that kept from seeing everything else that was around me.
It was like I said in my post yesterday; I was so focused on making the Whole Foods version of Tastykake idea work, the frozen concept never occurred to me.
So for right now, my purpose may very well to keep looking for my purpose and appreciate all the wonderful things that happen along the way.