Chuck Norris Karate Chops Gay Marriage

This post is sort of a side step from previous topics, but I felt compelled to talk about the Supreme Court’s ruling last week on gay marriage. I’m writing about it because it has (partially) restored my faith in our government, my government. While I deem, based on past experiences most members of the executive, judicial and legislative branches to be enormous tool bags, incapable of achieving anything short of wiping their own asses, they did manage to achieve significant social progress last week.

Quick side bar. As Jon Stewart would say, “hey America meet me at camera 2”.

We can only blame the bastards so much, as it is us, the American electorate that puts these douche bags in office. As my therapist once said while talking about OCD, it is like ramming a cactus up your ass and wondering why you feel shooting pains emanating from you anus.

What pisses me off most about these close minded, hypocrite, windbags who rail against gay marriage, is the idea that this ruling denigrates the sanctimony of marriage. Yet they lay quite when it comes to the issue of divorce. Listen, I’m not a bible scholar, but a quick Google search leads me to a passage where Jesus is pretty clear that you get a divorce and remarry you have committed adultery. How is divorce not an assault on the institution of marriage?

The same people who speak out against gay marriage, as being an abomination, the proverbial giant middle finger to married people everywhere, have themselves been divorced, some multiple times. Let’s take for instance my favorite, I hate the gays, conservative Christian, karate ninja, Mr. Chuck Norris. He has repeatedly taken anti-gay stances, while he himself has been divorced twice. Not to mention had a child out of wedlock! Hiya, mother fucker! #whatupnowchuck.

Let’s also not forget the Supreme Court justice, Mr. Clarence Thomas, who voted against the measure allowing gay couples to marry. Not only has he been divorced, but was accused of sexual harassment. I hear sexually harassing a co-worker does wonders for a marriage. My intent here is not to judge those who have filed for divorce. I get it. Sometimes the bitches just drive you crazy. It reminds me of another thing, Mr. Jesus H. Christ once said, “Let he without sin cast the first stone.”

I’m glad that we live in a world where social progress while difficult is still achievable, despite the many who fight against it. I will be the first to admit that while I don’t understand homosexuality, except lesbianism, I totally get lesbianism. God bless the Lesbos. Personally my body disgusts me. I got hair in places that don’t seem natural, wrinkly testicles and a dick that looks like a turtle sticking its head out of its shell. How on earth another woman finds the male body attractive, let alone another man, baffles me. The less time I see myself naked the better. If a man loves another man, God bless them. The heart wants what the heart wants.

That said I do feel strongly that everyone has the right to marry the person they love, the same as I. What is best for a marriage, what is best for a family, is that everyone loves each other. Period. Nothing else fucking matters. I’m reminded of the Beatles song, “All you need is love.” That really is all you need, LOVE.

While watching the coverage of the Supreme Court case, I saw protesters outside the courthouse holding signs saying, “Everyone deserves a mom and dad.” I tell you what I would have done if I were there. First, I’d have grown a bad ass beard, put on some kick ass karate pants and a head band then I’d karate chop the fuck out of those signs! I’d then very politely after going all Chuck Norris on their ass, hold up my sign. “Everyone deserves parents that love them and each other.”


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